"Set the candles burning
Upon each window high,
And leave the door wide open
To guide their footsteps nigh:
Right warmly they'll be welcome
To share our hearth-fire bright-
For Mary's sake in heaven-
Who walk the wilds this night."

 

"i'm holding on to what is good, even if it's a handful of earth. 

i'm holding on to what i believe, even if it's a tree that stands by itself. 

i'm holding on to what i must do, even if it's a long way from here. 

i'm holding on to my faith, even if it's easier to let go. 

i'm holding on to God's hand."

waynne = wayne.

its not way nee.  

neither it is way neh. 

or wai nee. 

its macam wayne except there's an extra n in there to make the word look more urmm. feminine.   

a few days ago, i received a call. 
" HARLO! YOU WEH NEE NING HAR? YOU THE GIRL WHO TAKE PEECHUR ONE HAR?!" 

 oh well. 

just got back from a  wedding dinner (heartiest congrats to newly weds, wayne and wife) 
AND!  found this at home. :D :D :D 
i.just.have.to.snap.a.photo.of.us.together.
 

 .

.

.

.

.

TADAAAA!

such cuteness. 

heheee.

me love furballs.
except i do not know how to take good care of them. ):

whos puppy is it anyway? :/

im always here. 

my hair is falling out.

and i'm only twenty four. 

it suddenly dawned on me that, this little space,

is not as private as i thought it was.

on a random note, i feel like i need more privacy.

in reality.

 i often feel like there's a hundred people staring straight into my skull every time i do my work.

you said i'd forget.

i remember. 

you said my arrogance is suffering from gigantism.

it is not. 
i just dont make demands and i don't tell you how it should be.
i stopped having faith i stopped believing in others and believes that believing in myself is the only way. 
can't you see i am who you were first?

you said i never care

but how do i speak to someone who only spoke down to me with bad words? 

you said i'm living through you.

all i really want is peace and space for everyone. 

it shouldnt hurt so much.

but it does. 

so TELL ME HOW NOT TO BE ANGRY when i care so much.

i'm no longer three. 

imsotiredijustwanttoknowhowimanagedthisfar.

thereissomuchiwanttosay

yetsomuchofwhichicant. 

 

like you, i had days when i thought my life is devoted to nothing but pain and hurt.
days when i felt i can't go on any.
days when i thought of my laugher and they made me cry
days when i fell deeper.
days when i inflicted unnecessary pain on my body as a permanent solution to my temporary frustration. 
 dont sympathise with how i feel. 

i admire myself for making a stand on the issue. 
we all get knocked down. it is the inevitable.

and that feelings, its just an occasional price we pay for being human.  

you may not realized, but these few weeks have been really hard on me.

but those late night talks kept me from picking up the razor.
  i found talking to you the safest place to be. 

until i realized my reliance on you is scaring myself.

im not taking anyone for granted.

perhaps its an intended pit stop.

before my inability to pull myself off from you, haunts.   

you know who you are. thank you so so much.  

it scares me when i start to rely on another individual.

its one line im unwilling to cross.
its a form of security. 

my form of security when my past insecurities are catching me up.
do not try that. do not believe me.

it ruins your life.

i'll regret this post tomorrow, for spilling out reality,
but for now, let's just pretend i didn't say anything.    

before you say im emotional,

ask yourself if you've been where ive been mentally.

a slew of behind the scene shots and final images.

it takes lots of hard work to look beautiful.

how many makeup brushes do you need for a perfect makeup?
32.

our location. i went through three departments just to have permission granted goodness. -.-

from head of department to head of school to lab manager to security department.

 before we enter the place i said boys please dont touch anything just keep your hands off everything they said OKAY NING! obediently and 10 seconds later they were doing this. 

bobby pins to make hair looks voluminous.  weichen's hair waiting to be perfected and kelvin waiting to be bleached by me lol. 

so really, we did not intend to look like any characters in twilight.

our vision for the photos is not twilight either.

  why is everyone telling me they look like vampires ? 

so anyway, the final images from the shoot. 

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

there.

lights down. curtains closed.
my last personal work for 2009. 

wardrobe and hairdo testing, four days before our actual shoot.

it was near midnight but its the only time we manage to get everyone to gather together. 

well not everyone. 

flap flap flap, flap like a bird.  she didnt enjoy wearing the outfit ): 

kelvin laughing his ass off at tingting's outfit. -.-

it was a random decision to temporarily bleach kelvin's asian complexion on the actual shooting day to carry off his blonde hair.  otherwise, it contrasts so sharply with his actual skin complexion.

  thank god i have cream that works magic.

so much anger. 
so scared and poignant.

more than ever at present.   

one more day.

mr.wong is on facebook.

i am so not going to approve his friend request.

his facebook screen name is NAPOLEON WONG ohmygodsopatterncan ! 

king : napoleon wuiseh! pa.. call me babylon. 

-_________-" 

i hesitate to respond to his friend request so i said " pa.. why don't you join my photography fan page instead? "

hahaha.

oh well, i approved him anyway because he threatened to ground me from going out and will no longer feed me food if i don't. ):

so anyway, mr.wong uploaded a photo of us together and captioned it - with my first potato.

i love that caption.

a sneak peek of my latest (and last for 2009) shoot.

buddyboy clement liao's big day. happy birthday bbness. now i wish im nearer so we can do celebrations together.

you are one of the few that i would stop to give hugs to if we bump on the streets.
you are such an amazing friend di, i never have to wonder if you truly care because its always there.

you. aaron and co. hahaa.

i can't wait to see you guys in february.

happy birthday and have a blast /big heart 

All harsh words.Violent blows.Heart-locked secrets.Nobody knows.Eyes are open.Hands are fisted.All dirty tricks.Too many lies.Nothing special.No one gifted.I slept awake.And choked on my dream.Shh.Listen loudly.To a silent scream.Call my mind.The number unlisted.Silence.No tears.

The blade against my pale skin.The sun died out.My blood bled.Echoing the inner me.Hollow. Wasted.Accomplishment.Satisfaction.

Dont expect much.

Don't stare. 

Dont be horrified.

Neither do I understand why. 

For I'm still here.

all warped. 

and twisted.

this morning, i went uni with little wong III. 

i reached my office, only to realise, my mouse went missing.

little wong III looked around suspisciously and said,

" ning, call the cops."

LOL.

-______-"

memories.

a way of holding on to the things i love.

the things i am.

and the things i never want to lose.

but lately,

memories are fading far too soon...

  ...or do i really forget?

my favourite shoot?

the next one. 

our last collaboration for 2009.


i actually am, looking forward to it.


we started planning one month prior to the shooting date.  the concept, selected models, wardrobe styling, makeup, hair, location etc.


im just hoping all things turn out well.
(lets just hope i won't jinx it away.)

then it'll be a short break for myself, from any sorts of photos.

did a shoot with little wong III. 
no wait.
its monkey.

he complained that i did shoots for models and clients from all around but never did bother to put him in my list, hence, i failed terribly as a sister. /shakes head.

this happened to be my most exhausting photo shoot to date.

we had good weather, a camera and a hyperactive boy.
it is a dangerous combination.  

little wong III is hyper 24/7.

i wonder what did our mom feed him when he was a young boy. :/ 

been a while. 2:21 AM

 

little wong II and yourstruly 

khehan by waynne ning 

im having one of those days where i can't tell if i want to cry for no reasons or laugh because life's a celebration :D

oh well, i think its just the office. and its atmosphere.

it looks so dead and dull that i think i need to hang balloons and lanterns to light up the environment. 

because for once, this working place of mine, looks freaky. ;/  

everyone's away. im alone. three outta 4 lights are off.

in movies, this is the scene where girl A (in my case, me) looks around suspiciously in the dark (except i have the lights on), clenches her office desk hard heart thumping fast and suddenly outta nowhere, BOOM! a werewolf grab her from behind. 

i love that story.

so i had a meeting with my supervisor this morning. it is a short meeting. 

in fact, the shortest meeting on record.

its 4 minutes and 35 seconds.

today was my first no-contact-lens-for-two-weeks day. yes, eye infection is that easy on me.

today was comfort. no photo shoots. no research. no struggling with using software. because i declared a day off myself. sunday hey!

today i went out with mom and sister. an awesome day laughing at my mum's parking skills. tricky she said. she got really annoyed afterward and threatened to throw us out hahaa.

today i had my first tehcpeng in 3 weeks.

today i met my aunt and deary cousins. been a while. we had breakfast and lunch and laughed over silly things together. i think i have the prettiest/funniest aunt one could afford.

today is linda's birthday. happy birthday jewel. (:

today chen bought a long gorgeous red dinner gown that makes her look like cleopatra when she had it on. it looks way too glamorous for any local events. mum suggested she should wear it on her engagement day. she told me she cant wait and will wear it on xmas eve. hahaaa.

today i realised the bruises behind my left knee's gradually fading. i still have this habit of inflicting pain (or get someone else to do it) on my body when im emotionally imbalance.just kidding.

today i emailed the technician twice. im not getting replies i know. predictable. anyone has his address? 

today boy came over to do his hair. it doesnt look like it but it was five fingertips of wax and half a bottle of spray. we proceeded to talking about careers when my mum asked him to remove his shirt, ironed it because she thought it nds to be. how random is that goodness.

i guess my mum is fanatical about ironing clothes. 

today is sunday = no plastic day. mum and i didnt remember and felt bad because we asked ting to do some grocery shopping, without any shopping bags oops. hahaa.

sorry ):

today was a random day.

this is a random entry as well.

for soul nation 9:30 PM

photoshoot for soul nation a couple of weeks ago.

tee shirts designed by yunhao@soul nation. 

kelvin and jeszica were the appointed models so there goes.

we opt for a lively and bubbly theme.

nothing heavy.

nothing fashion.

we thought the playground would make an ideal spot for these portraits.

kelvin was nice enough to fetch me from home (well okay, i forced him to because the last time we met, i did), we drove all the way up to hilltop and when we reached the location, i realized i left my camera battery at home. mfk.

-___-" it never happened in my photography journey so far. 

 first and last time okay. 

called my ever talented stylist and it happened that he overslept. 

hahaaa. 

i think my client will be damn disappointed to know all these sighs. 

so anyway, we wrapped up in about 1.5 hours. (:

 

jeszica and kelvin practically let loose their inner child when they saw the playground.  they spent most of their times running up and down and swinging from left to right.  it was uncontrollable. but we had a blast. (: 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  

 

i think i need a break.

from any sorts of photo shoots.

that is, after mid december. :D

One 2:00 AM

too many people constantly bring accusations against us, telling us what we didnt do, or what we should have done.

because too many people listen to the wrong voices.

but that's all a part of life.


as long as we're pressing forward, getting up each day and do our very best.. what else matters?


just be ourselves, because one of the worst things we could do,
is to go through life being against ourselves.


and all we need is just one outta a hundred people, who really understand us.

really.
one is good enough. 

then again, 

just like what ruth said..

..what do you do when you dont have the luxury of even having one?  

5 hours of photoshoot.

2 hours of CFD research.

1 afternoon of arguments.

September 2009, Klvin Liaw 9:30 PM

K e l v i n  Liaw

Photography by Waynne Ning

Wardrobe Styling by Justin Sim

was my first time collaborating with kelvin.

this 20 yrs old, is superbly photogenic (i don't usually praise him in person, in fear he might fly away) and natural in front of the camera.

a bit shy, but he did awesome overall.

it will be a long term collaboration between us, from now till he gets better opportunity elsewhere :D 

i told jeszica, kelvin and adrian that, i would be really glad if they make it big in this field one day.

like really glad, because they all did their first (and onwards) shoot with me, i watch them as they get better each time and sometimes, its so touching i felt like a mother of three.

just playing.  

i wish i can put this much dedication into my postgrad research too.

 

 

 

SO MUCH WORK.

SO LITTLE TIME.

T.T

a series of shoots, managed to somehow squeeze them all into a few days.

which results in me being badly sunburnt.

so..postponing kelvin's shoot to next week is, a blessing in disguise.

did another shoot with her again. :D

she is awesome to photograph.

alone 12:05 AM

weichen. 15th September 2009. 

all that i loved, i loved alone.

we walked together,

yet walking alone.

pieces of life. 

Jessica 11:37 AM

makeup and photography by me.

dress by me.  

well not exactly a-dress-by-me but i roughly turn a plain black cloth into a work of art a one piece tube dress.

we kinda wanna do a self presentation of a soft goth melancholy, with a pinch of femininity, but jessica's punk hair is just way too short to achieve the desired look so i chose to extend her hair, in long spiral curls.

 

  

  

0809 11:00 AM

 when i spent this day with you last sept, 

i never thought how things would be beyond that time.

 never realized that one day, eventually, we will wrap the past all up in a string, whisk them all away neatly and move on in our own preferable reality.

perhaps its only momentarily, but i was there nonetheless. 

 this is for you.

 happy birthday.